If the cameras show up, it really happens. It’s just more embarrassing.
T.O. held a workout today but zero teams showed up to watch. This causes me to ask two important questions.
1) If T.O. works out in the woods and no one sees it, does it really happen?
2) I understand why he had the workout, but why wasn’t he wearing a shirt?
Tonight has been full of winners and losers…
Winners: babies. Yeah. I can’t believe it either. Never in my life did I imagine that babies could be awesome. They cry in restaurants. They scream during movies. Their prams take up the entire sidewalk, forcing you to step into the grass and, thereby, unforeseen dog shit landmines.
My friends have newborn babies. I had little-to-no interest until I actually met the babies. Sweet jazus. My fascination has everything to do with being adopted but, nevertheless, it’s awe-inspiring and amazing and fucking delightful to look at a little human and actually see the faces of the people you love IN their little baby face. It’s heaven. It triggers a feeling of hope - that everything that’s so shitty in the world can be defeated by this genetic combo of kickass - that two people that you love so dearly managed to get together and create this mini super-being of awesome.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified… but then I got over myself.
Loser: ambiguity. It’s basically the worst thing ever. Stop being a pussy, man up, let your feelings be known.
Ambiguity is not cute. It’s not attractive. Ambiguity is always a front. A falsity. Because when you choose to be ambiguous, it’s because you’ve already made a decision. You’re just too chicken shit to put it out there.
Don’t be ambiguous because you’re waiting for things to pan out. It’s a waste of time. How does it go? “Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” Ambiguity is essentially indifference - and if you care, even a shred, about something, you’re not indifferent.
I lost tonight because I thought ambiguity was best. And in losing I got hurt. And I hurt because, although I was a master of pretending, I really did care.
Winners: old friends. I used to, and still do, envy my uncle because he always had a tight-knit group of friends. So tight-knit that, to this day, I consider them to be my pseudo-uncles. Middle school, high school, college, 30s, middle-aged - they’ve always been together.
Today I realized that I have that group. I have what I’ve always envied. I may be the black sheep, but it’s only with true friends that you can feel like you’re back in the fold, without a misstep, after a long absence. These people feel like home when you’re sure that you don’t have a home. They know you, there’s no posturing, there are no apologies, there’s only blind acceptance.
Losers: Donkeys. Enough said.
Winner: Booze. See: this post. Shit. Maybe that’s a loser.
Loser: lying. Specifically to yourself. Just stop it. No. Really. Just stop it.